A duck walks into a convenient store and asks, " Do you have any grapes?". The manager says, " No, we don't have any grapes."

The next day the duck waddles into the store and asks, " Do you have any grapes?". The manager says, " No, we don't."

The third day the duck meanders into the store and asks, " Do you have any grapes?" The manager says, " Look! If I told you once, I told you three times, we dont have any grapes here! The next time you come in here asking for grapes, I am going to nail your webbed feet to the wall!"

The following day the duck enters the store and asks, " Do you have any nails?" The manager says, " No. We don't sell nails here."

The duck says, " GOOD. Do you have any grapes?"

HAHAHAHAHA, thats a great one! lol.

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.”

“OK, you’re hired. Here’s your kit, go sell!”

The second came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.”

“OK, you’re hired! Here’s your kit; go sell!”

The third came in and said, “I- i – I wa – wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi – bi – bi – Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!”

“No,” shouted the man, “this will never work! You can’t sell Bibles for me!”

The applicant replied, “B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!”

As there were no other applicants, he man said, “OK, I’ll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!”

At the end of the day, the first applicant comes back and reports, “I sold 8 Bibles today.”

The second reports, “I sold 11 Bibles today.”

The third worker reports, “To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!”

“Great,” says the man. “However, I want you to sell a lot more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!”

At the end of the second day, the first worker comes in and reports, “Today, I sold 21 Bibles.”

The second worker reports, “I sold 29 Bibles today.”

The third worker reports, “To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles.”

“Fantastic,” said the man, “since you’re doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don’t you tell them what your sales technique is.”

Replied the worker, “I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b–b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi – want to buy a Bi–b–a – a- abi – buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to ‘em?”

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,

"What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of -factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.....Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health cla** at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The Dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."

"Cool, says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men." the Dad answers, "Two for Friday, Two for Saturday and Two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up the 12 pack.

With a sigh, the Dad replied, "Those are for married men, one for January, one for February, one for March..."

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America.

Well, there's a very simple answer......

Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma. All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.